What do you do when everywhere you look you are inundated with visionaries, people with goals and ambitions, shouting about what they've achieved and what they plan to do next. A buzz of excitement emitting from their mouths as they describe precious details and logistics. Social media posts about accomplishments and checked life stages, moving on easily from one location, one destination to the next. Everyone appearing to have solid life plans with a step by step guide of how they'll achieve everything they want.
What do you do when you see all of this and then you look at yourself, and you look a bit lost.
You have ambition and drive and you are motivated, hella motivated, and intensely curious about the world and human behaviour.. What makes people tick, why do some people enjoy certain music and how do peripheral cues really register with us... but you aren't sure, or confident enough, to determine what you'll thrive at. And you certainly aren't sure what will help you grow.
You are also torn between the juxtaposing emotions of the dread of laziness of procrastinating from really putting yourself out there, putting your character on the line to be inevitably knocked back from continuous scrutinisation in interviews and applications. But on the other hand you are actually really afraid of all of the above, and it's not laziness at all.
What do you do if you think you know what you're good at and you definitely know what you enjoy but there doesn't look like anything like that exists in the business market? Or even if you know that you'll thrive at something you've found but you'll need some help for a bit to get started but you're too intimidated to ask because a job spec needs you to know 4 languages, be skilled in animation and have a pedigree bloodline.
What about the false, ridiculous future predictions, regardless of how inane and stupid you know they are, they still keep you up at night.
What about the expectation that there is only one route you can take and one accepted way of life you must begin after graduation, and if you do not comply you must not pass Go, you must not collect your £20. Because no, you've not succeeded, you've not got a socially acceptable job where you get that Friday feeling and enjoy the weekend. Honestly, unless you are immensely clever and create a start up, are creative and open your own business or are quirky and find something niche what the hell are you going to do if you don't join the rest.
What am I?
The best year of my life has inevitably come to a close and the bitter sweet feeling of plunging into real adulthood has descended onto an unprepared 23 year old.